The Secret Handshake - Lessons passed from one father to another!
I love this story that I am about to share with you. The lesson of fathering that was passed to me is something that I continue to see working with my 9-year old son and I and something that I will pass on to my 1 year old as he grows older.
I was at a business meeting with the VP of a very large on-line camera organization. This was our first meeting and we both hit it off quite well. Peter was just an all around great guy. Very open, honest and willing to take conversations to a deeper level. This is a wonderful and rare quality that you will rarely find when on a sales call. Most people just want to get down to the matter-of-fact and aren’t interested in you personally. Peter was different, he was really interested in who I was beyond the services that I was there to talk about.
We hit chord with each other when we began speaking about our children. Both of our faces lit up and the floodgates were open and we began to pour out our stories and our love for our children and for fathering. I was a single father at the time and as I sat in Peter’s office I noticed all of the wonderful photographs on the wall of he and his family. What a lovely family I thought to myself. There was a bit of pain that swept through my heart because moments like that would always remind me of the loss of my family and that my son didn’t get to experience that at that time.
I have to mention that I am grateful that now I have a lovely wife and that my son can have a sense of the wholeness of family when he is with me.
Peter went on to share the best story of a couple of things that he has established with his children. With his son, he has established what is called “The Secret Handshake.” How cool is that for a name? I love it! Peter went on to share with me that The Secret Handshake is something that has built immense trust with he and his son. You see, the deal with The Secret Handshake is that any time Peter’s son has done something that may cause a negative reaction, from any father…lying, not listening, not doing what they are supposed to do…you know the deal, the list can go on and on. What Peter has established is that his son can come to him and say, “Dad, secret handshake…” They then shake hands! The “secret handshake” has been put in motion. The universe is now at ease for whatever Peter’s son has to share with him.
Now, Peter’s promise to his son is that any time that his son comes to him and does the “secret handshake” then Peter cannot react in a negative manner. Peter cannot yell or scream or get in his sons face. Peter has to react calmly and have a chat with his son about what happened.
The great thing about The Secret Handshake is that Peter has build a foundation of trust with his son where his son can now come to him regarding any manner. He has opened a door for his son to have confidence that his Dad will not overreact on a situation. Come on guys…you all know how we can overreact to the smallest of things.
Peter…my hat is off to you my friend. I have established the secret handshake with my son and it not only prepares me but it puts me in a calm place to hear what my son has to say. The secret handshake has increased the opportunities for my son and I to communicate and for my son not to hide anything from me. He knows that it is safe with Dad!
We all have stories and tips…lessons that we can pass on to each other that will help us in our daily walk as Father’s. We need to create ways that will open a pathway for our children to be able to come to us and trust us. I would love to hear some of the ways that you have created an opening for your children to come to you.
