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Dr. John Johnson, Dr. J as we like to call him, holds a PhD in Clinical Psychology as well as an M.A. in Theology. Both degrees from Fuller Seminary in Pasadena, CA. John also holds a B.A. from Baylor University and an M.A. in Psychology from Stephen F. Austin State University.

He is a husband, father, step-father and a dear friend to me. John has wonderful insights and can communicate them in a practical way. He has written a wonderful piece on the “Legacy” that we men will leave our children. Check it out for I know you will be inspired, challenged and blessed by his article.

Thanks for your involvement John! Love ya buddy! G

“LEGACY”

Life goes by fast and it seems we never really have enough time to accomplish all the things we want to. Yet, somehow, in the hustle and flow of our day, we manage to carve out time for those important things at the end - like reading the paper or watching the news, checking our stock status, or planning for the big meeting the next day. How else would we know what the status of the world is, how many of our brave soldiers perished in the service of our country, where Greenspan is on the economy, or how to wow the chiefs down at headquarters. It is important stuff and must be attended to for the benefit of our family and for our own life satisfaction. We smile as the night falls - satisfied in our accomplishments and ready for the next day’s challenges.

Yet somewhere in the depths of that smile lies a nagging question mark. Is it really enough? Do I really feel satisfied, or should I be doing more? Have you ever asked that question? And did you get an answer? If you’re like most of us dads, the answer is no. We are left wondering if all of our hard work will matter someday. Sure we may have the nice boat and the big house, the fat bank account and the gourmet food on the table, but if that is all that was required to feel “successful” I would venture a guess that we would all be a lot happier.
There lies the real question. What is the legacy I am leaving for my family and will it outlive the stock market ups and downs, the latest fashion trends and the newest game system? I wonder what my kids will think of me when I am old. Will they remember how many papers I read or the facts I recalled from the news programs? Will they care about the Nintendo 9000 or the newest Apple gadget I bought them? Or will they have an ache in their heart — wishing they knew more of me and less of what I “provided.”

I come to all of us now in hopes that we men can begin to consider this question more intently. I was vacationing with my wife and 2 sons this weekend and I wondered what they took from it. Did I yell more than I encouraged, speak more than I listened, and count pennies more than laughs. The answer for me was a resounding YES. I admit this is a journey for me that I am ever learning. As I was with my family I thought about what I would be writing in this article. I thought all the ways I could speak academically about being a good dad. I thought about doing research to dazzle you with statistics and percentages. I thought about what I would say and how stunning it would be. I wanted to speak about my time being well spent with the ones I loved. In essence, I wanted the trip to be special and not just another vacation. But another vacation it was and I realized from it all that my legacy needs some polish.

Think back about your own fathers, gentlemen. How would you describe them? What are the words you would choose and are they accurate or a fantastic restructuring of what you always wished they would become someday? I never really knew my dad as he died in an accident when I was 6 years of age. Yet, I still yearn to think of him as a man who cared about me, who took us on fun vacations, and who worked hard for my benefit. I never even really knew him, but the desire in my heart still seems to override the reality and the legend grows bigger daily.
It is never too late to begin a new legacy in the lives of our kids. There is a concept in cognitive psychology called the recency effect. It is partnered with the primacy effect and essentially says that we will remember the first few items and the last few items from a long list better than the things in the middle. I think it is the same with kids. They will remember the early years at a core level and it is from there that they will have the foundation upon which to grow. If we spend good time with our infants and toddlers, they will have the hard wiring upon which to expand. If we choose to focus on other, less important things more, like picking the color for their nursery, but failing to read them a book, they will have a less firm foundation and it may be harder to have hope and trust in their later years. The same goes for now. If we made some mistakes early on, but we “right the ship” now, in the later years of their development, the chances of their remembering the good times are even better. We have a chance guys and now is the time and today is the opportunity you have been waiting for. There are no perfect dads outside of our heavenly role model, but we have a second chance starting now. Be the man you wish your dad could have been for you. Honor your dad by resembling his ways if they were good or ending a negative legacy of poor fathering.

I know we can do it together guys. It is a hard road to travel, but we have a legacy to create — so let’s get moving… Until next time,

DrJ

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 25th, 2007 at 1:24 pm and is filed under Counselor's Corner. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.