Our “dad of the month” is a named Jim Ryan. The great thing about this is that Jim and I grew up together and have recently reconnected. Jim lives in North Carolina with his wife and daughter. Through our conversations we have laughed about the joys of parenting and have cringed at the hardships.

Read Jim’s story of his daughter and his insights of raising an only child. Please give us your insights on raising an only child if you find yourself in Jim’s shoes.

Thanks for being a part of this process Jim! I am so glad that we are back in touch.

As I sit here in my office staring at the picture of my little girl, Ava Grace, I sometimes cannot believe that something so beautiful could possibly have come from me (thank God for beautiful moms!). As a 43 year old father of a 7 year old only child, the challenges of raising an “Only” are plentiful. The most difficult to explain to a young child is why she has no brothers and sisters. This little question can dig up a lot of very difficult emotions for my wife and I, but I am truly blessed that the one child we have was gifted with intelligence, beauty, and a powerful stubbornness to get answers.

At times, I feel completely unequipped at the “parenting gig” as my mind sometimes works the same way as a 7 year old (being lazy, wanting to eat cookies instead of vegetables, and negotiating to get out of trouble with Mom), but the incredibly positive side of the equation, she gets ALL the attention a child could ever want or need.

She is at an age when the questions are nearly non-stop. Sometimes these questions are easy (Daddy, what is 25 + 47), but many of them are very “adult” and she is too smart to accept the typical parental brush off answer (the downside of having an only child whose parents are in their mid-40’s is that your little sponge absorbs all of your behaviors — the sarcasm, the concern over finances, and our petty insecurities to name a few). Hearing her commentary at times makes me think I am raising a 25 year old trapped in a 7 year olds body!

When we have our alone time and spend hours at the driving range hitting balls, I often fall into a bit of a daydream wondering what her life will look like it 10 years, 15 years, or 20 years. When I let my mind venture down that path, I have to put my faith in God’s hands that no matter how old I may be, he will give her (and us) all the tools necessary to have a beautiful life filled with joy, prosperity, and kindness. Though Daddy may be in Depends at her graduation ceremony, I will still be eyeballing those boys with the old Middle Linebacker looks to assure they know what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior towards my little girl (which she will always be).

Raising an only child with no family around can stress out even the most solid marital relationships. Guilt about only having one child, guilt over not living close to family, and guilt over the realization that when your child graduates from high-school, you will be near retirement. But, when you sit back and truly appreciate the gift of a healthy child, none of those insecurities truly matter; you just do and be the best possible father/husband you can possibly be. The quiet whisper of “Daddy I Love You” in her tired and falling asleep voice makes everything just about perfect.

I say “thank God” for Only children as some of us cannot even fathom how 2 or 3 could possibly be managed.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 5th, 2007 at 6:03 pm and is filed under Daddy of the Month. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.