I don’t remember how I came across this husbands “Bill of Rights” but found it to be extremely funny. It will give you a laugh so enjoy!

The Husband’s Bill of Rights
By Craig Playstead

Preamble:

We, the husbands of America, do not claim to be perfect. We’re far from it. While we love being married to the wives of America, we have a few things that we’d like to straighten out. We’re not asking for the world here. We understand that things like following our college football team to every away game is out of the question, as are after-dinner cigars. However; there are a few minor things that we’d like to clear up to make our marriage a happy one.

Amendment I

We have the right to go out with our friends at least once a month.
A man’s relationship with his buddies is a bond that should never be broken. It helps keep us feeling young, connected and sane. It also helps us break the routine just like nights with the girls do for you. Even as we reach middle age, we like the fact that we still have a “crew.”

Amendment II

We reserve the right to dislike your friend’s husbands.
We promise to give the guy a fair shot, but when he starts acting like a moron, we can no longer authorize events with that family. And yes, wives have the same freedom to blackball when the tables are turned. It doesn’t mean we like your friend any less, it just means that in her haste to have a big, fancy wedding, she chose a jackass that we don’t want to spend our rare time off with. Listening to stories about how “wicked” he was on the French horn in his bitchin’ ‘80s band is just too much.

Amendment III

We have the right to have a few things of ours in the house.
Everything we hold near and dear to us shouldn’t all be in the garage. While we understand that our framed KISS concert poster might not make it on the living room wall, at least throw us a bone. The scene in “Juno” where Jason Bateman realized that everything he held near and dear was in a 200-square-foot room was a gut-shot to us all.

Amendment IV

We have the right not to be scolded by you.
We are your husbands, not your children. We don’t mean to track dirt onto the carpet or get chips on the couch, but it’s not like we just got a lap dance. Don’t treat us like your children and we’ll do our best not to act like them.

Amendment V

We have the right to teach our sons how to burp and fart.
Sharing bodily functions with our offspring is as much about life as it is about jokes. It’s also something that can help brings kids and dads together. Believe me, kids and guys always laugh at farts—that’s how we’re wired. And we’re not talking about being totally gross and inappropriate. We vow to teach them that there is a time and a place for behavior like this—and that the early service at Church is not one of them.

Amendment VI

We have the right to teach our children how to defend themselves.
Fighting is barbaric, terrible, and scary. But it’s also part of growing up. We want our kids to be able to get out of a bad situation, not be bullied, and be able to take care of themselves. One of the plus sides of learning how to take care of yourself is that the more you know, the less you have to use it. Teaching our offspring how to defend themselves in a scary world is one of the basic duties of a father.

Amendment VII

We have the right to as much reading material in the bathroom as we need.
Sometimes we’re in there a while, we can’t help it. And no, we’re not hiding … most of the time.

Amendment VIII

We have the right to watch the big game.
We care too much about our teams. We know it’s not rational, but it’s who we are. No one can explain the love men have for their teams, but you may as well embrace it because that love will not die. If you don’t believe this, just remember the Boston Red Sox had the most loyal fans in sports and didn’t win a World Series for 86 years.

Amendment IX

We have the right to the remote when we’re on the couch.
This is something that’s in our DNA. We know it, and you know it. If there’s any doubt, watch us surf at top speed while knowing if a show is worth watching after stopping on it for .2 seconds. It’s a thing of beauty.

Amendment X

We have the right to still use chivalry.
Yes … we know women are strong and independent, and we dig that. But allow us to open the door for you, or give up a seat and act like a gentleman once in a while. The world will be a better place because of it.

Nine years ago I had walked through an unexpected divorce, which left me deeply wounded, and with the ever-present feelings that I was a failure. Many nights I had laid in a fetal position weeping from the deepest parts of my being, crying out to God not understanding what had happened and asking “why?” I thought that things would be different for me and that I would break the chain of divorce that flowed through my family history. I was completely wrong to think that I would be shielded from such heartbreak and the event made me feel as though I had just lost everything. Something happens to a man when he is stripped to the core of who he is. Any masks that I wore to cover parts of who I was were no longer available to me. I felt alone!

To add to the mix I had a baby boy of only six months old and without a model of fathering growing up, I was scared and wondered how I was going to take care of this precious little boy. It literally broke my heart thinking that my son would grow up in a divorced home and experience the separation that I had experienced as a young boy. (more…)

American Daddy, A Father’s Heart Revealed

Tonight was my book release party announcing to the world, or maybe just to all of my friends, that American Daddy, A Father’s Heart Revealed has arrived. It was such an amazing evening! I couldn’t be more satisfied, proud and encouraged at the showing and the amount of love and support that came my way.

All of the fathers in American Daddy, A Father’s Heart Revealed need to be applauded. They were courageous in reveling themselves and providing all of us a window into their hearts. Many stories come with heartache and pain and some with great joy of having a father who was in their life.

My hope is that the release of American Daddy will spurn a movement where we, as men and fathers, will fight for the lives of our children. That nothing will stop us from putting them first and that we will be committed to doing all that we can to raise wonderful, healthy kids.

We matter guys! Fathers matter! You matter!

Cheers,

Gabriel