Juan Duenas - Dad of the Month!

Juan is the father of two wonderful kids, Emily & Justus. I want to thank Juan for taking the time to share his heart of what fathering means to him! I was thinking how it’s not always easy for guys to sit down and be transparent about their feelings or how our kids make us feel. So, kudos to you Juan! Thanks for being a part of the American Daddy team!

Fatherhood

When my daughter, Emily, was born nine years ago, my world changed. Work took on a greater importance – no more risky career moves. Every corner or low hanging shelf was viewed as something that would impale her. I remember driving home from the hospital very slowly (too slowly) in order to get the “precious package” home safely from the hospital that was less than a mile from our house. Nothing could prepare me for the overwhelming connection that a father could feel for his daughter – she is an angel sent from above.

When my wife was pregnant with our second child, I remember hoping for a boy. The day we found out that we were, indeed, going to have a boy, my initial reaction was positive but it was immediately followed by a little sadness – I had gotten very comfortable with having a daughter and wasn’t sure how I would adjust. When Justus was born five years ago, my sadness was proven unfounded.

Juan, Emily & Justus

Justus has a very inquisitive mind and I love fostering that in him. When we’re on walks together or in the car, he will incessantly ask questions about what he sees around him. “Daddy, why is the grass green at this house but brown at that house?” “Daddy, can we walk on clouds?” “Why not?” “Daddy, how come you don’t have a ‘Monster Truck’?” – this is all in one session with one non sequitur after another. I try to patiently answer every question. My favorite questions are ones where he’ll ask about something that happened in the past and it will blow my mind that he remembers the event. The best part is when I ask him questions – the answers he comes up with are amazing!! He’ll never say he doesn’t know – he’ll answer with the conviction and confidence of an elder scholar – I hope he never loses that inquisitiveness and confidence.

Emily’s an incredible artist, soccer player, student, and person – we often stay up late telling made-up stories, talking about school, life, and the world at large. My main goal in these late night discussions is to get her to laugh because her laughter is infectious. Sometimes, however, we talk about serious topics such as the stresses and challenges of being a nine year old in today’s crazy world. It is here where our bond is continually strengthened as she opens up to me about her daily life – I hope she never stops.

Me?…I want to show my son how to be a good man…how to treat and respect a woman. For my daughter…I want her to see how a woman deserves to be treated and respected. The only way I know how to do that is by being a good man who loves and respects his wife – I hope they learn.

Enjoy the story that Peter wrote about being a Dad. You’re going to love it!!!

As fathers, we lay the foundations for our children’s lives. It is up to our kids to build their own houses upon these foundations. Therefore, each generation builds upon the success of the previous generation, and being a good dad has a lot to do with being a good son.

My daughter, Kia, is 14 years old. She is one of the smartest people I know of any age. My son, Nikolai, is 12. He has a huge heart and enthusiasm rivaling that of a fisherman describing his latest catch.

We always try to spend dinnertime together as a family. The conversation starts with each of the kids sharing three things they learned at school that day. I ask if anyone–including them–got in trouble in class, what bad things happened, and what good things happened. The kids then rank their day on a scale of 1 to 10. Sometimes, depending on the timing and mood of the meal, I make up a story over dinner as well.

My wife and I are each involved in our children’s scouting programs. In addition to the trips we take with his Boy Scout troop, Nikolai and I also enjoy taking backpacking trips together in the beautiful California mountains. Other than the cell phone we bring for emergency use only, these trips are “no electronics allowed.” We experiment with different freeze-dried foods, noting which ones we like–and which ones we will never eat again. We fish in the streams, build campfires, look at the stars, share a tent, and spend a lot of time laughing and learning together.

My daughter and I enjoy time together on our “date nights.” She and I go out and have a nice dinner, or do some other activity in which we can get away for a while and talk. One of my favorite outings with her was an impromptu date in which we simply sat together in a donut shop and talked about school. We ended up discussing the labels kids use to define their different social groups: Jocks, Freaks, EMO (EMO?!?)–I shared memories from when I was in school of not wanting to be labeled and of trying to fit-in.
Sharing memories from my own childhood helps strengthen our bond and the communication between generations. It is part of the foundation-building process. The conversations, routines, and activities I share with my children give them the tools they need to build strong houses upon their father’s firm foundation.

March’s Dad of the Month is Jeff Cole! Enjoy Jeff’s story below on what being a dad means to him. Thanks for being such a great dad Jeff and thanks for being willing to share your heart and your story for the rest of us.

Jeff Cole - March Dad of the Month!

One thing I knew when I found out that I was going to be a father for the first time was that I didn’t know the first thing about being a father. I never really had any kind of good example… other than my Mom, but she wasn’t my Dad. Plus, I was just a big kid myself.

Once I consented to the idea of having a baby, my wife was very excited to start trying. I was excited for all the practice attempts. She said most women can take up to six months to actually get pregnant. It took us exactly one practice attempt. Now I was on the roller-coaster of pregnancy and trying to wrap my brain around the fact that a little baby was going to be my responsibility until I died. I smiled with the purest joy. I cried a little too… but I definitely smiled. I was going to be called Daddy.

Now, what the heck does that mean? My father was an abusive drunk who only showed up when his (our) money ran out. He did show up later when he met different women whom he tried to impress with his “I’m an awesome dad” routine. My brother and I knew the difference. Our mother was home working two jobs and trying to keep two boys off the streets. She disciplined us. I used to try to stuff football cards
in my jeans pockets to lessen the blow. She saw the square lumps and aimed right below. She set aside time to take us to the shore for the weekends. She told us she loved us but most importantly she showed us. She was as consistent as she could be. So, I think I learned the most about being a dad from my mom.

Jeff’s kids Isabella & Jude

My turn. My daughter, Isabella, is about to turn 5 and my son, Jude, is turning 2 this weekend. All of my fears have turned to pure joy. I can’t imagine my life without them ransacking it. I am a horse they ride on. A jungle gym they climb on. A punching bag, a swing-set, an art project. “Watch this daddy” or “DADDY’S HOME!” are the sweetest words I have ever heard. My greatest joy are their smiles. My greatest daily moment is when through the house we hear one of them shout “FAMILY HUG!” and that’s what we do, no matter what we are doing. The three women in my life and my one little man have made me into the thing I never knew…a Daddy.

Our “dad of the month” is a named Jim Ryan. The great thing about this is that Jim and I grew up together and have recently reconnected. Jim lives in North Carolina with his wife and daughter. Through our conversations we have laughed about the joys of parenting and have cringed at the hardships.

Read Jim’s story of his daughter and his insights of raising an only child. Please give us your insights on raising an only child if you find yourself in Jim’s shoes.

Thanks for being a part of this process Jim! I am so glad that we are back in touch.

As I sit here in my office staring at the picture of my little girl, Ava Grace, I sometimes cannot believe that something so beautiful could possibly have come from me (thank God for beautiful moms!). As a 43 year old father of a 7 year old only child, the challenges of raising an “Only” are plentiful. The most difficult to explain to a young child is why she has no brothers and sisters. This little question can dig up a lot of very difficult emotions for my wife and I, but I am truly blessed that the one child we have was gifted with intelligence, beauty, and a powerful stubbornness to get answers.

At times, I feel completely unequipped at the “parenting gig” as my mind sometimes works the same way as a 7 year old (being lazy, wanting to eat cookies instead of vegetables, and negotiating to get out of trouble with Mom), but the incredibly positive side of the equation, she gets ALL the attention a child could ever want or need.

She is at an age when the questions are nearly non-stop. Sometimes these questions are easy (Daddy, what is 25 + 47), but many of them are very “adult” and she is too smart to accept the typical parental brush off answer (the downside of having an only child whose parents are in their mid-40’s is that your little sponge absorbs all of your behaviors — the sarcasm, the concern over finances, and our petty insecurities to name a few). Hearing her commentary at times makes me think I am raising a 25 year old trapped in a 7 year olds body!

When we have our alone time and spend hours at the driving range hitting balls, I often fall into a bit of a daydream wondering what her life will look like it 10 years, 15 years, or 20 years. When I let my mind venture down that path, I have to put my faith in God’s hands that no matter how old I may be, he will give her (and us) all the tools necessary to have a beautiful life filled with joy, prosperity, and kindness. Though Daddy may be in Depends at her graduation ceremony, I will still be eyeballing those boys with the old Middle Linebacker looks to assure they know what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior towards my little girl (which she will always be).

Raising an only child with no family around can stress out even the most solid marital relationships. Guilt about only having one child, guilt over not living close to family, and guilt over the realization that when your child graduates from high-school, you will be near retirement. But, when you sit back and truly appreciate the gift of a healthy child, none of those insecurities truly matter; you just do and be the best possible father/husband you can possibly be. The quiet whisper of “Daddy I Love You” in her tired and falling asleep voice makes everything just about perfect.

I say “thank God” for Only children as some of us cannot even fathom how 2 or 3 could possibly be managed.

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Michael Thompson is our “Daddy of the Month!” Michael is a committed father and loves spending time with his two-year old son Kahleo. Below, Michael shares a little story with us:

I was in a conference today. The theme was children of generational poverty. One statement that stood out to me is that children of poverty live in darkness more then other children. We can all imagine why. Fear of what’s outside, an attempt to sleep or escape into video games or television. As a result, many such children’s eyesight becomes underdeveloped and by second or third grade they are experiencing difficulty reading and then are placed in special education. I was so saddened by this fact. Perhaps because I’m a special education teacher myself, so it is with joy that I can share such beauty as the ducks on Lake Tahoe with my son. My son is only two years old. But in his two brief years he has traveled the world with us. We have hiked the Sierra Nevada mountains, frolicked in the pacific ocean, walked across the vast empty beaches of New Zealand and strolled through the flower laden Swiss Alps. As you may notice, all these activities took place under the life-giving rays of the sun. We are not rich in dollars for I’m just a schoolteacher. But we are rich in time; time with our son, time to explore this beautiful world, time to have adventure together. I feel so blessed. For I personally work with so many children who have to raise themselves. This isn’t just a factor in poverty.

Today, I’m just grateful to be a dad, grateful to have the time to explore life with my son and watch him develop. This, I believe, is the greatest investment I can make.

Let me introduce you to our Daddy of the Month for August. Damon Domici is a single father to his lovely daughter Angelina. Daddy of the month is a new thing we are doing here at American Daddy! I want to hi-light men that are making a difference in their child/children’s lives by being committed to them.

Please send me a picture of you and your child or children plus a story of what being a dad means to you. Check out Damon’s story below! It rocks and will certainly put a big smile on your face!!!

THE PERFECT DATE

We walked right in the restaurant holding hands.
Everyone stopped and stared at us. Some even came up
to me and said how beautiful she was. She was the
perfect woman through the entire date…no arguing, no
complaining, and she even laughed at my jokes. She
ordered the least expensive meal without hesitation.
She made me smile and she made me laugh. She fed me
some of her food and let me feed her some of mine.
Things couldn’t have been more genuine. At the end of
the night she gave me a kiss & a hug. Better yet she
came home with me. What topped the night off was she
said “thank you, daddy” and fell asleep right by my
side.

I love you so much, Angelina….you are the best thing
that has ever happened to me!

Truly, the best date I’ve ever had with my beautiful
daughter!

Damon…thanks for your contribution to American Daddy!