At the Foot of the Bed!
The babies crying woke me up at 1:30am. It is very difficult for me to fall back asleep once I wake up. As I begun to count sheep my nine year old hopped in bed with me, it was now about 2:00am. My wife was nursing the baby at the time so it was just he and I. He told me that he didn’t feel well and that his stomach was hurting.
So, we went up to where his bed was and I tucked him in. The moment, which happened so fast, was he was praying to the porcelain God, if you know what I mean. I stood behind him and rubbed his back, telling him that everything was going to be o.k., as he took care of business.
We went back to his bed for the second tuck in. He asked me to pray for him and I did. As he began to fall into his sleep I just took a blanket and lay on the floor next to him. I was reminded, at that moment, that I was his comforter and his protector! I lay there like a watch dog making sure that nothing would harm my son. I know that nothing was coming at him but I felt really courageous laying there and watching out for him. I felt like a man and it was wonderful!
I would love to hear from you and have you share your moments like this. Our children need their Daddy’s!
June 1st, 2007 at 9:30 am
That’s a great story Gabe. I’ve lived it many times, and do enjoy it, most the time…
Here are some quick thoughts on the issue.
Being there for your kids in the middle of the night is an awesome thing, but one that is not always easy. When we are asleep, we are vulnerable to our emotions, our logical mind is at rest, and the sub-conscious mind runs free. I have to remind myself of this at times, when; the leg-aches that my son has during his growing spurts flare up for several nights in a row, or my daughter, slipped up yet again, and there are sheets that need to get in the wash, a new bed to be made, and a daughter that needs tucking in. Or even better, when they both happen the same night, one after the other, just when I’ve reached dream state…in these times, my children need my assurance that I love them, not my anger that they are waking me up, or my frustration at having to deal with two events in one night.
My selfish nature wants sleep, I want to rest, I don’t want to be woken up in the middle of the night for a leg ache…so it’s easy for me to have a gruff tone, or a slight tone of agitation and frustration. I try to remember, that it will be a short time, before my son won’t need his dad to rub his leg, and my daughter won’t need or want me tucking her in, with love and understanding after wetting the bed…so I cherish the moments, knowing they are fleeting.
But it’s not always easy, so if you are one to wake up grumpy, or have one who tends to put a tone in your voice, that makes your child feel like he is causing you problems, then remember, it’s a job you won’t have for long…embrace it! Take a minute when you wake up, to collect your thoughts, if your feelings are one of frustration, or anger, take your child into your arms, hold them, and tell them, “Give me a second.” Collect your thoughts, then, with the love that is there in all parents, serve them, and meet their needs in love and kindness.
It is a memory you’ll cherish for a lifetime, instead of a regret you may have when you’re older, the thought that you wish you would have been nicer, when your children woke you up in the night.
If, like all of us parents, you’ve lost your patience in this, or another area, communicate that with your children, and make today the day you start embracing and enjoying, every moment—the easy and joyful occasions, and the hard, trying moments—of your short time with your children. Because, if your children feel scolded, or hurt, or unwanted when they need you in the night, you might get your wish, and it will be sooner than later, that they don’t come to you for comfort in the night.
June 1st, 2007 at 11:04 am
I totally understand! Isaac is growing some K-9s and its crazy!
Thanks for standing in.
jc
June 6th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
Hey Gabe,
You may not remember me,but you used to live next door to me on Woodmont,Ave. in Arnold,my name is Michael Guin,and I am a single father.I love being a father!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 6th, 2007 at 8:41 pm
My son is 10,and I have had him since he was 1.5
June 6th, 2007 at 10:01 pm
Hey Michael, thanks for providing input. Of course I remember you my friend! You were always so kind to me and a wonderful neighbor. Its great to hear that you have taken up the mantle of father to your son. I am sure that he is growing up to be an awesome young man as you were Michael. Please keep letting us all know how you do the single dad thing. It will be a great help to all men.
June 14th, 2007 at 10:45 am
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for providing us dad’s with such an uplifing and practical resource to help us reach deep down and connect with the core reality of how vital a role we father’s have in the the lives of our children. I find myself recalling scenes of my fatherhood experience and re-living the joys as well as the sorrows that resulted from the ups and downs along the way. The good decisions that took me to the “mountain top” of being a dad AND the bad ones that plunged me to the deep valleys have all been collectively working to help make me a better dad, and hopefully, prayerfully, they will be a source of wisdom and knowledge for my sons and daughter.
It’s very evident to me that it was no mistake that I “just so happened” to come across your website this morning while browsing for additional resources while finishing up on this Sunday’s Father’s Day sermon. While I Google searched words “a father’s heart”, I came across several “hits” but when I began reading some of the comments and stories from your website, I was deeply moved by the stories, comments and relections I read. Tears, laughter, humility, strength, encouragement are but a few of the responses that emerged as a result of the process of reflecting on your words and the road they led toward reflecting on my experiences. I shared one of the stories from your site with my wife and as I read it to her, both of us experienced our eyes welling up with tears of emotion and we recalled a time in our young parenting “journey” together, when I was exoeriencing a season of naive selfishness that led me to demand a period of “alone, or down time” to rest and relax without my boys jumping all over me when I walked in the front door. “After a hard days work of fighting off the “bad buys” and then fighting the traffic from the hour and a half commute”, I had the misconception of feeling entitled to receive some peace and quiet time before I put on my daddy hat. Needless to say, once I saw the “light” of the matter, I purposed that I would either immediately put on the daddy hat the moment I walked in the door and give my boys 110% of what I had to give because I wanted to! Because I had to! Because I needed to, after all I had done so already to perfect strangers, didn’t my own little guys deserve even more? The other option was to pull over a block away from home and take a brief moment to “de-tox” from the stress and strain of work, the commute and whatever was going to take away from the joy and reward of being my boy’s daddy. I found that it only required a few quick occurrences of parking a block away from home before I realized that I didn’t need to continue this practice because it was robbing my boys of even more precious minutes with daddy.
Thanks again for the precious work you have done. My wife has suggested I go to the bookstore, purchase the book and wrap it up for a Father’s Day gift to myself. I am inclined to believe that I will be only one of many others who will be moved by the contents of your book and share the stories from it, (as well as the personal stories of the reader that were inspired by it), to congregations, workplaces, coffee shops, business meetings and any place else where dads and moms may happen to assemble together.
June 14th, 2007 at 10:56 am
If the term “bad guys” seemed harsh, I meant it in the context that I was a police officer for over 20 years before I was called to ministry. My daily commute was 84 miles round trip which took 45 to 90 minutes every day. My children are now 23, 19 and 15. Poor things, they are stuck with a double dose of stereotypical expectations that come from being the “cop’s kids” and the “pastor’s kids!”
June 14th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Javier,
I am so thrilled that you have taken the time to share your thoughts and a bit of your story. I think we as fathers can all agree that we each have “highs” and “lows” that we can talk about. I think of a low that just happened last week. The baby was crying in the back seat and my nine year old, as we all were, hit the high level of frustration and he just went a bit to far. In my own frustration and carelessness I told him to “shut up!” As soon as I said that I can tell you that my heart and spirit sank to the deepest part of who I was and I was ashamed of myself. I felt the spear enter into my sons heart as my words shut him down immediately. That wasn’t the answer! As I got a hold of myself I turned to him and apologized and told him that I was wrong for saying that to him.
Later in the day I sat him down with my, one-on-one and apologized again. I was so hurt by how I treated him. I never want to model that to him. I asked for his forgiveness and thankfully he forgave me and we hugged and all was better. Wow! The things that we say, eh? I want my words to edify my boys not tear them down. So, I share that story with Javier to tell you that I am with you in the lows as well as the highs. A “high” just happened this morning. I was at the airport at 6am to catch a flight for Norfolk, VA to be a guest on the 700 Club tomorrow for American Daddy. As I was waiting in line my son called me to tell me that he loved me and for me to have a safe flight. Ah, there is something sweet about redemption isn’t there?
I thank you Javier for your truthfulness and your willingness to be vulnerable. It is men like you that inspire me. I trust that your kids are so proud of you and thankful that they have you to call Daddy!
Please continue to share your stories and so thankful that you were moved and able to gain some reflection due to American Daddy. We need men like you to be a part of this community.
PS…I think we all get the “bad guy” deal so no worries my friend.
All the best,
Gabriel
June 15th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
It was great hearing other men talk about fatherhood. I came from a very dysfunctional family and I never wanted a family, what for? Who needed that? All that yelling, but then I met a wonderful japanese lady who won my heart, and thus at 51 I have had my first child. Her name is Silk, and she is amazingly wonderful. The biggest miracle of my life besides my wife. But it is very hared because my wife does not work, and I am a CPA, and do self employment out of the house so I can see my child grow. Now here is the difficult part. I have grown up as a serious musican entertainer my whole life, have played on stage at least 10,000 times, and I have a rare way that a play blues harmonica, which I can be famous from and make great wealth. In fact that is how I met my wife, she hears me play on stage, and came up afterwards and said that my harmonica makes her feel drunk. And then she started calling me to follow my performances, and that is how we met. Anyway some great things have happenede to me with my blues harmonica, but now my wife has turned against me with my music, saying that I have to concentrate on making money. Thus I am devastateed. It hurts me so much inside that my own wife has gone against my music…i don’t let on to my little girl, but now I am having a tought time with the whole situation…I really need some help…
June 19th, 2007 at 6:46 am
Ed,
So sorry to hear about the deal with your music. I am going to start having a guest “therapist” blog on a monthly basis and respond to folks who need some direction. Hang in there my friend. I am sure that your wife loves you dearly. Help is coming!!!
G
August 16th, 2007 at 8:27 pm
Elizabeth
nice article, I like it.
September 13th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Well, Our boy’s been waking up and screaming like hell at 4am every day this week. Poor neighbours! He usually goes down at 7pm and wakes up between 6 and 7am. Nice and easy. Bout a week ago he pulled a fever of 104 and we’ve been keeping a close eye on him because last time he pulled such a high fever he went into a fibrose seizure. We got it just in time, but ended up keeping him in our bed and sponging him with a damp cloth to loosen the fever. Now that he’s better, the little rascal has put it into his mind that he’s joining mommy and daddy every morning at 4am. We’ve been letting him howl, hoping that he’ll sooth himself but man oh man does he have a strong will. I think he’ll be an opera singer. A friend of mine told me once that he hasn’t had a full night of sleep since his kids have been born. His oldest is about 6yrs. I asked him if he would give them time to cry so they could eventually learn to self-sooth. He told me the one time he did, his boy was throwing such a hissy fit he was afraid for his childs saftey. So now, after all these years, if the boys cry mommy and daddy immediately go to the rescue. I heard that when our boy was about 6 months. Luckily my wife and I had allready decided that even if it meant a week of screaming we would give our son the opportunity to self soothe and develop the ability to put himself to sleep. It has been the wisest move. We have had full nights of sleep since he was 6 months old. However, every now and then there’s a change, such as a trip, change of hours, or sickness that requires constant vigilance on our part during the night hours. Suddenly it’s allmost back to square one and we have to go through another week of broken nights. He’s had his way a couple times. After an hour of fricken crying and yelling we consent and bring him into our bed. Immediately quiet, he knows he got his way. I’m like, looking at him and thinking, not for long buddy, this bed is mommy and daddy’s sanctuary. However, I gotta say, sometimes despite the principles I hold to, there’s nothing like being warm and snug in bed, looking over and seeing my beautiful wife and handsome little boy sleeping all quiet right next to me. So I’ll let it go, if he cries and yells long enough, he’s coming in, just don’t tell him.
September 14th, 2007 at 2:29 am
Mike…It’s 2:20 am…my kid has been screaming his head off for the past 45 minutes…as I type I am beginning to hear nothing but a wimper…oh, if I can only be so lucky. The screaming begins once again…wait a minute…could this be it??? yes…yes…quiet….no…more crying….more crying…not as loud…is he getting the picture that no one is coming in? the octives are getting lower…lower…is God playing a trick on me? I just want to sleep!